Greek Baker Leaves the Euro-Zone: Sets off Currency Stampede

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New Currencies Backed By Assets More Valuable than Gold

July 25, 2010

Emilio Papalo Lupapa, a baker from the Greek city of Thessaloniki, recently stunned world financial markets when he declared that he was leaving the Euro-zone and adopting his own currency.

A statement posted on the door of Mr. Lupapa’s bakery shop declared that the new currency would be called “the Emilio” and be issued behind the bakery cash register.  The posted statement also declared that Mr. Lupapa and the register boy, 26 year old Papillo, jointly would decide on the supply of money to the Emilio-zone.

The Thessaloniki baker insisted that dropping out of the Euro-zone would, in no way, influence the mix of pastries, bread rolls or other products offered to customers. The Thessaloniki baker said he was leaving the Euro-zone only because of the high cost of doing business in over-valued Euros had forced him into selling:

— bread rolls with excessive internal ventilation,

—cake mix made with Turkish barley flour,


—emaciated pastries that looked like flatbread slices layered with truck-squashed orange peels.

Mr. Lupapa informed local banks that he had decided to float the Emilio against the Euro and the U.S. dollar but would link the Emilio to the Japanese Yen through a crawling peg. The Greek baker also said that he looked forward to coordinating future monetary decisions with European Finance Ministers, Fed Chairman Bernanke, and economists at the IMF.

Reporters from the Athens-based financial website “It’s Greek to Us Too” rushed to Emilio’s bakery and found the Greek baker straining loose barley flour out of a pan of pink frosting. An excited Mr. Lupapa told reporters:

“I sold the flatbread oven and am back to crafting lovely three dimensional pastries for the sweet-bread lovers of Greece. Any day now, my customers will be expanding into the third dimension also.”

When reporters asked about the status of the Emilio Mr. Lupapa responded:

“Next week, Thessaloniki pastry lovers will be sending Emilios to banks in Athens who, in turn, will flood the world’s financial markets with Emilio backed currency notes which, in turn, will make Euro holders nervous and want to stock up on bread.

When reporters offered Mr. Lupapa 10 Euros for an almond shredded wedding cake, he ordered the reporters to talk the cashier boy, Papillo.

When reporters offered Papillo 10 Euros, he ordered reporters to study the exchange-rate chart on the wall.

When reporters studied the exchange rate chart, they found a headline that read:

“Wedding cake requests must be made within one day of the engagement proposal or sixteen hours after conception.”

The New Currency Begins to Run

Two days after the reporter visit, a leading Thessaloniki furniture maker announced that he was leaving the Euro-zone and would only take payments in Emilios or fresh bread rolls.

That evening, three other furniture makers followed suit and announced that handcrafted bedposts were on sale for either 99 Emilios or 29 rolls of bread.

The next day the entire Thessaloniki business establishment announced it was leaving the Euro-zone and switching to the Emilio-bread roll monetary system.

A week later the Greek finance minister, George Papconstaniou, came on national TV and accused Thessaloniki’s bakers of raising the Greek rate of inflation rate by increasing the supply of baking yeast.

As Greek financial officials pondered ways to control the bread roll and Emilio supply, members of the victorious Spanish national soccer team announced that they were dropping out of the Euro-zone and starting up a team-centered currency area. According to select insider fans, the Spanish team’s currency would be called the “goal” and would be made available to any football (soccer) fan who could shout “gooaall”  lon–g–er than the average Mexican sport broadcaster.

Team captain Iker Cassillas told reporters that he believed that the Euro, the Dollar, and the Yen had “recklessly” broken away from the gold standard.

Mr. Cassilla promised, that in contrast, the value of the Spanish team’s new currency would be “responsibly” backed by a tangible asset of scarce value.

The next day, the Spanish soccer team announced, that their new currency, the “goal”, would be tied to the number of goals scored in the Spanish soccer league.

Captain Cassillas suggested that Mr. Lupapa break the link between the Emilio and bread rolls and follow the Spanish team in linking the Emilio to a valuable world resource such as soccer goals.

Five hours later, 10 AM eastern standard time, Fed Chairman Bernanke came on CNN news and said he was reducing the U.S. money supply by linking the U.S. dollar to the number of goals made by the American soccer team.

And Yet, Another Upstart Currency

Meanwhile, Papillo told his sister that he had decided to break away from the Emilio-zone and start a new currency called: “the Yeast”.

Papillo told customers that he would keep working at the bakery cash register and said he was only providing himself the option to inflate his own monetary holdings whenever the monetary urged struck.

Papillo assured customers that the yeast content of Mr. Lupapa’s bread rolls would not change since he was following the advice of the Spanish Soccer team and linking his currency to the final scores of a popular sports team.

The next day Papillo said that the supply of his new currency, the Yeast, would be related to the number of points scored by the Boston Celtics in America’s National Basketball League.


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