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Art Students Discover a New Mitt Romney

By admin

—The Mitts Outnumber all other Candidates Combined—

October 8, 2012

Just when Americans thought they knew every Mitt Romney, a group of students at Sarasota’s Ringling School for the Arts and Design have discovered yet another Mitt Romney.  The Ringling students found the new Mitt reading Marxist poetry at a student coffee house located near the Ringling campus.

“This one is an ardent socialist” said Jen Hansen.

“First, he denounced the United States for waging war on developing countries. Then he declared all truths could be reduced to one truth in this world: rich people would rather face death than pay taxes.”

The news that yet another Mitt Romney has surfaced into the public eye left millions more voters further confused. As it was, hundreds of thousands of undecided voters in each state, have been trying to figure out which Mitt Romney to vote for.  Now the set of Romney choices has expanded even more.

Ohio voter Heather Brunt summed up the voters dilemma:  “Before the news, I thought there were three Mitt’s but, then– up and pops up this new Marxist Mitt. My worry is that some news reporter may discover yet another Mitt after I have cast my vote.  I mean, I would feel really bad if, later, I found out I voted for the wrong Mitt and he won.”

While conservative Mitt denounced the Sarasota Mitt, rumors abounded that a shy silent Mitt lay hidden somewhere among the American population.

Said political psychologist Howard Upstine of Georgetown University:

“As unlikely as it may seem, there may even exist a Mitt that does NOT desperately want to be President.”

Experts denounced the rumors that a shy and silent Mitt Romney had been sighted inside a Starbucks bathroom in Davenport, Iowa. However, most experts did say that the Sarasota coffee-house Mitt might be able to run for election in the state of Florida; if butterfly ballots were used to accommodate for the growing number of Mitts.

Meanwhile in a speech in Columbus Ohio, Moderate Mitt said that Sarasota Mitt had made a few good points, which he would think about once a year on Christmas day.

Conservative Mitt denounced moderate Mitt’s comment and said he would seek to deport Sarasota Mitt to Cuba.

Tea Party Mitt rose up in Boston Harbor and blasted Conservative Mitt for stealing his line.

Meanwhile coffee-house Mitt appeared before reporters with his dog “Mutt” and said they both might migrate to Mombasa Africa if the MBA-Money Mitt wins the election.

As the American public, gradually became convinced that they had finally seen every possible Mitt, a loose limbed, slick haired, Mitt Romney popped up in Laredo Texas talking about his grandfather’s ranch in Northern Mexico. The loose limbed Mitt Romney then announced that he was running for the presidency of Mexico.  He next told the Laredo audience:

“I know what you think what you believe about us Romneys.  But in reality we never received our American citizenship. In fact, my family only came up north for a few generations to earn enough money, to help the save the Mexican homeland from Arab terrorists and double-talking Yankee businessmen. Viva la opportunidad de Mexico!”

Meanwhile, coffee-house Mitt resurfaced at an organic tea shop near Sarasota’s New College, claiming he didn’t know anything about coffee, or the or Ringling School students, but said he really enjoyed drinking organic tea with the New College students.

In response, Ringling school student Jen Hansen said that organic tea Mitt had put on a good face, which Ringling students planned to design into a mask. Mr. Hansen said that he planned to put on the organic tea Mitt-mask once a year, on Halloween night.

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