October 21, 2009

Former President Denies Enjoying the Shape of Berlusconi’s Cabinet

Speaking to a group of Wine, Cheese, and Pasta Shape distributors, in a restaurant in Little Italy’s section of Manhattan last Thursday, former President Bill Clinton praised the Italian political system, its method for appointing physically correct Government ministers, and its ability to find vigorously in-formed and obviously out-lined officials to serve in the Italian cabinet.  He then praised Italian voters for displaying a flippant grace and a dismissive common sense when assaulted by the sexual pressures of a Government under cloud of uncommon female scents. Mr. Clinton also applauded the Italian media’s skill in aligning Prime Minister Berlusconi’s personal “enthusiasms” with Italy’s public, private, and privately public entertainment needs.  The former U.S. President then suggested that Americans look to Rome, both modern and ancient, as role model for building a state-of-the-art bridge and stone aqueduct to the young generation, of the twenty first century, and their internet breeding and exchange sites.

“Rome gave America the sturdy but graceful columns that hold up the grand entrances of hundreds of impressive public buildings which make up our nation’s majestic architecture. And we should look to Rome for ways to make up America’s media and newspaper columns, so they never again, become obsessed with a President’s private particulars and his wife’s public part in ticking off peculiar private liars. It is clear to me that one reason Italy has escaped the bulk of last year’s financial crisis is that the Italian people have given their Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, the freedom to appoint the best people to each Government job and allowed him to keep open his channel of communication with the fresh new ideas and old flesh ideals of the new up and coming generation.”

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who was pressed for her view of the Italian political system, Prime Minister Berlusconi, and his penchant for making physically correct political appointments to his cabinet, said that Italy, in fact, had suffered from the financial crisis, and “could do better” in addressing the crisis if it’s Government and media would “behave more focused.”

Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, whose remarkable ability to connect “politically” with select members of the young generation and who, in the past, has expressed admiration for former President’s Bill Clinton multi-tasking abilities, praised the former U.S. President for laying both the groundwork and playground for politics in the twenty first century.  And he claimed that the structural shapes of his cabinet has been a key factor in allowing him to focus like “a pulsating laser beam” on Italy’s finance, budget, and physical challenges. And he offered Ms. Clinton the job of Italian Minister of Domestic affairs should she become tired of being the U.S. Secretary of State and getting herself stuck “sequestered” in a U.S. Government bureaucracy whose daily routines are “more boring than the house-rules in a Catholic convent” and whose employees act as if they have taken personal vows of  “media silence, political chastity, resume masturbation, and reputation control.”

The next day former President Bill Clinton thanked Prime Minister Berlusconi, from the same restaurant, located in the Chinatown section of Manhattan, and said he could guarantee that Miss Clinton had what it takes to complete with Italy’s vigorously in-formed and obviously out-lined public officials, but said America’s Secretary of State had always enjoyed taking on the challenge of personal resume building, as well as dealing with the world’s constant struggle to control its shady reputation. Mr. Clinton then offered his own services to the Italian government claiming that, he believed, that he was uniquely suited to dealing with Italy’s financial challenges and could fit in well with Italy’s Government of vigorously in-formed and obviously out-lined public officials.

A somewhat chagrined Ms. Berlusconi, said from her home in Sardinia Italy, that she was aware that her husband’s weakness for young women stemmed from his constant need to be with her, but that critical national shopping needs, over the years, had increasingly intervened and taken her away from “hospitality” time with her husband. And she offered Ms. Clinton the job of Italian Minister of International affairs should she become tired of being U.S. Secretary of State and being stuck in a Government that “breaks all the rules and forces Ms. Clinton to travel to hotbeds of exhausting action, media excitement, and Indiana Zones of reputation control and danger.”

President Clinton invited Ms. Berlusconi to visit the Clinton Office in Harlem, now on edge of Manhattan’s Chinatown, to present a paper on Italian shopping patterns and Italy’s high tech perfume industry.

One Galina, Befolli, Fornobuzitti of Porte Empodocle Sicily appeared on the Italian variety show “To-tos e To-tos” and blamed President Clinton for living in a country with a “multiplicity” of double standards and claimed it was refreshing to live in a country where one could publically display a portion of the national endowments on a popular TV show, while presenting the country with next year’s fiscal budget.  She also congratulated her boss, Prime Minister Berlusconi, for choosing to be born in a country that allows the leader to set a single top– but sometimes bottom– down standard for engaging Italian citizens who happen to possess “exaggerated human exaggerations”.

President Clinton invited Finance Minister, Galina, Befolli, Fornobuzitti to visit the Clinton Harlem center, now in the middle of Chinatown, to present a paper on Italian budgeting procedures and offered her long term employment dealing with the increasingly dire financial problems of the U.S. Government, which, by his analysis only could only be fixed by vigorous application of Italy’s budgeting practices. Mr. Clinton also promised Ms. Fornobuzitti that if she helped prepare future U.S. budgets there could be an interest in putting her form to rock, on the second Mount Rushmore, currently being planned for Big Rock, Arkansas, which, according to the former President, would eventually include giant carved figures of himself, (Bill Clinton), Hillarily and Chelsea Clinton, both which, would tower over a stone replica of Al Gore’s wet carbon sock-print.

Al Gore called the New York Times, office, currently in the middle of Chinatown and said his carbon footprint would be too faint to attract tourists. And he chastised former President Clinton for leaving tar bunny carbon handprints on environmentally sensitive regions of the “other” employed gender.

Italian Prime Ministers, Silvio Berlusconi, came on Italian TV show “Mio-Propietario” and expressed concern for former President Clinton’s heart condition and asked the Italian people to pray for a miracle which allowed the American Government’s budget condition to self correct, like a Chicago free market shortage of apple pies and hot dogs.

Bill Clinton came on Larry King live, and said that he wished, U.S. deficits were self correcting but said that his predecessor had worked so hard to take away the Clinton surplus, that the only hope for the U.S. Economy was to allow Italian budget experts to set up offices in the Clinton Harlem center and work with Federal Reserve officials in their Chinatown offices in New York.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced, from Washington D.C., that she was cutting State Department expenditures in half and challenged all other U.S. Government Departments to follow suit.

Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, praised Ms, Clinton’s efforts to control the U.S. budget and ordered Italy’s best sculptors to create marble profiles of “loyal” members of his cabinet provided they can pose long enough to prevent any travel to, Harlem, New York, or Chinatown.

Ms. Berlusconi came on the radio in Sardinia, Italy to announce that a 21rst century ‘internet breeding and exchange site” appeared to have gotten her pregnant “from just hitting the F2 key” and recommended that Italian women and cabinet ministers try out “the alternative”.

The following week a Chinese hand reading fortune teller, Lee Chung Hsiao, was heard telling members of his table tennis club located in one of seven boroughs of Chinatown New York, that he and his hand reading associates, working through an internet fortune telling service, had found former President’s Bill Clinton’s finger prints, on the F2 key of hundreds of computers scattered across the States of  New York and New Jersey.

 check out fifty more stories in Banana News www.bananaws.com

Tags: Economy, Politics

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 17th, 2009 at 9:42 am and is filed under Top Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.