Small Square Plastic Piece Comes Under New Scrutiny
March 7, 2010
Over the past week the Toyota Motor company continued to struggle against the unrelenting wave of consumer complaints that Toyota cars had become moody and unruly and had, at times, accelerated spontaneously; taking passengers on surprise motor trips to novel locations alongside the nation’s highways. Now this week,… »
Mysterious Tax Caller Creates One Party Panic
Feb 28, 2010
Republicans attending a Party conference in Washington D.C. were forced to evacuate Washington D.C.’s Marriot Monument Marble Hotel after a mysterious group phoned police and threatened to announce a tax increase inside the hotel’s main auditorium. As word of a tax threat spread through the auditorium crowd nervous… »
Politicians, Bankers, Media, and Now, the Public Held in Low Regard
February 20. 2010
Political analysts across the nation expressed alarm that a recent Neilsen poll has revealed that 69% of Americans do not trust American public opinion. Analysts expressed concern that polls also reveal that 57% of Americans no longer believe computer spellcheckers, medical warning labels,… »
A Little Bit of Snow Outperforms the Republican Party
February 9th, 2009
Two howling, back to front, winter storms dumped two to three feet of heavy wet snow on Washington D.C. and surrounding regions; effectively paralyzing the entire U.S. Government for an… »
The Three Party Dispute Rocks Back and Forth with the Tides
February 5th 2010
In response to President Obama’s plan to eliminate NASA’s project to put a “Man on the moon” by 2021, the Republican Party announced that party functionaries were… »
Ducking the Budget Issues Again
March 16, 2009-(Note Article Placed in Semi-finals in Humor Press Writing Contest)
A group of Republican Senators from the Finance and Ways and Means committee recently took three days of recess in order to evaluate the White… »
(March 30,2009/ (June 29, 2009 update below)
Appeals Court Clears Deck: Levels New Charge Against Former Businessman
The American Businessman “Benie” Madoff, who recently pleaded guilty to an 11-count criminal complaint that he defrauded investors of billions of dollars over a twenty… »
May 16, 2009
–Not what Cheney meant
Recently released cable communication reports between the office of the Vice President and Asian Pacific office of the CIA reveal that in the years 2004 and 2005, there was major split between the Bush White… »
Supply and/or Demand Ordered to Make Up
May 24, 2009
Speaking before a college age audience, at the University of Michigan, President Obama introduced his new plan to make the U.S. economy simpler, easier to use, and less hostage to the specialists… »
May, 2 2009
;!;
Internet Clean Up Dangles Writer’s Participals
Expressing frustration with the deterioration in the country’s reading skills and the growing trade in internet smut; a Chicago Judge ordered that all “Adult Content” websites convert each and every displayed photograph, video,… »
June 6, 2009
Triple Tense T.V. Announcement Creates Confusion Worldwide
In response to North Korea’s continued nuclear tests, missile launches, and production of weapons grade plutonium, the United States has imposed immediate and complete trade sanctions against the hermit kingdom. In announcing… »
Poor Attention Payments May Increase Future Rates of Interest
June 20, 2009-(Note Article place in Semi-finals in Humor Press Writing Contest)
A team of Pentagon budget planners, economists, and psychologists recently analyzed forty years worth of personal finance data from twenty-four U.S…. »
North Korea Charges California’s Cousins Get Zealous in a Hollier-Than-Wood Way
July 3, 2009
North Korea filed a complaint with the U.N. and World Press Organization claiming that the Western media has made Iran’s mullahs the world’s bad guys who: “receive all… »
Finger Staples Fingered as a Sex Symbol
July 12, 2009
A Military commission investigating the military’s sixteen year old don’t-ask don’t-tell policy has told military officials they cannot determine whether the policy, is working or not. Said one investigator:
“Frankly it has been… »
State Fault Lines Fracture the National Alphabet
July 17, 2009
The California budget crisis has walloped a State already beset by earthquakes, suburban wildfires, rolling mudslides, and deteriorating tan lines. Now in a potential fatal punch to the California lifestyle, terminator… »
July 26, 2009
Freshly Ground Experience Goes a Nuance Too Far
The Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court shocked the world by suddenly announcing his retirement. Only six weeks after Justice Souter announced his retirement date and two weeks after Congressional… »
August 2, 2009
Outbreak Stimulated by Exposure to Health Care Debate
The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta issued a warning that a new strain of health reform resistant doctors has been discovered in six different hospitals and seven clinics in and… »
August 9, 2009
Markets Intervene in a Noisy Greasy way
Fear, internal combustion, and stalled out panic hit the auto repair industry as Government backed predators dumped clunker auto mobiles and rusted parts, into the ruthless worn out clutches of the clunker set-aside… »
August 15, 2009-(Note: Article Won first place in Humor and Life Writing Contest)
Scientist Encounter A ChAoTic (!) Whirl-Wind (!) of No Comments ((@)) !
For decades, Scientists suspected that the origin of Atlantic hurricanes lay concealed under the dry dusty air… »
August 22, 2009
Congress Interrogates a CIA Drone
As news of CIA drone attacks, Taliban deaths, and military conflict in South Waziristan has escalated over the past several months, members of Congress have repeatedly demanded that the CIA reveal where South… »
August 30, 2009
Patient-Doctors Play Touch Tag Football in Private Offices
As the intensity of America’s Health Policy Debate rises, a critically important group of participants in the Health system find themselves shut out of the debate, unable to score call-in… »
September 7, 2009
A String of Unbroken Promises Wears Out Voters
As the Fall season slowly drifts in and awakens the outdoor air, voter’s excitement and approval of their New President has begun to cool. This changing mood has taken place as… »
September 12, 2009
Ex-Pre-President Proposes Atomic Money
Finance Ministers, Central Bank Presidents, and Royal Chief Treasurers, from forty one countries and twenty eight Hedge funds gathered outside Stone Hedge England, this past week, to thrash out an international financial reform package. Foremost… »
This Time It’s For Real
September 20, 2009 (?)
As millions of American children confront the first homework assignment of the new school year, a recent education survey has revealed that seventy percent of American teenagers cannot locate France on a map,… »
China Fights Tire Tariffs by Scratching Out Trade in Chicken Feet
September 30, 2008
A series of economic shocks hit financial markets upside, sideways, and under, just as the G-20 finance summit, in Pittsburgh, began to wind up and unwind down…. »
Oct, 2 2009
Russia Claims to be More Shocked Than “Burton School” America
Yesterday at 1:30 PM an eighth grade student from Burton, Michigan shocked the world and his school teacher by announcing that he had discovered a second “duplicate” Iran hidden… »
October 10, 2009
Liberals want to conserve resources, Conservatives want to use them liberally
In an unharnessed blow to the alternative energy movement, the General Accounting Office, in Washington D.C. issued a report which banned calling wind, solar, and geothermal technologies “alternative”… »
October 21, 2009
Former President Denies Enjoying the Shape of Berlusconi’s Cabinet
Speaking to a group of Wine, Cheese, and Pasta Shape distributors, in a restaurant in Little Italy’s section of Manhattan last Thursday, former President Bill Clinton praised the Italian political… »
October 24, 2009
The Flu Virus Exists “as if” It Therefore Thinks
Democrats on Capitol Hill and State Government offices across the country questioned the sincerity and integrity of the swine flu virus and denounced the “irresponsible” and “dirtyhanded dependent” behavior… »
November 1, 2009 –(Note: Article Placed in Finals of Humor Press Writing Contest)
“To Be or Not May be the Answer”
Pashtun terrorists operating out of the Mountainous regions of Afghanistan and Pakistan have once again demonstrated an uncanny, and fluid… »
Jobs, Ideas, are Saved as Stimulus Spending Buys the Vice President a Mattress
November 11, 2009
Vice President Joseph Biden, speaking to a group of microphones which had assembled in his office, recently defended the 2008 stimulus package against charges that… »
From Banana News www.bananaws.com
Self Esteem is all in the Head or the Right Cup of “Chico” Coffee
November 15, 2009
As unemployment in the United States reaches double digit levels for the first time in the stored memory of millions of computer… »
EPA Official Claims the Atmosphere was Ripe for a Breakout
November 21, 2009—(Note: Article Semi-finalist placement in Humor-Press Contest)
Just as President Obama and White House officials began searching for a carbon neutral way to transport the President to December’s Global… »
From Guest Writer and Skilled Toasting Master:
Neken Parkun
Nov 22, 2009
Political Backlash from Disenfranchised Coffee, Beer, Soda, and Bottled Water Drinker Voters Percolates
A new American political party – the Tea Party (TP) – is rapidly developing as a grass-roots, highly… »
Banana News www.bananaws.com
November 30, 2009
China Walls Itself in for the Twenty First Century
Twenty years, two weeks and two days after Berlin’s overbearing and socially awkward Wall fell into ten thousand souvenir pieces, Ulagan, Batugurban, an aspiring Mongolian politician who has… »
Public opinions Are Warming Slower than the Atmosphere
A recent video film by the Coal Mine Canary Warning Institute has revealed the fractured nature of American opinion when it comes to the issues of Global Warming, Green House Emissions, and… »
(Note first place winner in humor press national contest**)
Dec. 12, 2009
Unregulated Animals Graze Urban Lawn Hedges and Sniff City Exhaust
As the economy continues to wander aimlessly across the GNP landscape, Americans have begun to express their anger over the uncontrolled… »
Once again the United States is Caught Fighting an Enemy with a Shortage of Chairs
Dec 19, 2009
The Obama White House has asked a Pentagon war panel to investigate similarities between the current Afghan war and the past engagement of the… »
It Sure Looks like President Obama Must Have Got a Deal in Copenhagen
**
–To prevent Global Warming
–Which Snowed Washington’s Senators, Into Their Own Homes, and Apartments, & Left The White House Storming,
–Hopin an’ Beggin
–For Health Care Votes, as The Health Deal… »
Millions of Americans Drafted into the Competition for Influence, Payments, and Money
Dec. 27, 2009
Five Cable Channels, Fox Sports, and four webcast firms are vying for rights to broadcast the 2010 season’s car and medical insurance payment games, a growing sport, played,… »
Why remain listless in this exciting media year
Dec 31, 2009
In the past several years, newspapers, websites, and advertising companies have become obsessed with numbered lists of facts, opinions, “top” locations, and, of course, barely countable scandals. It seems, as if, the… »
Public Still waiting for the Robin Hood Distribution Kiosks to Emerge
January 10, 2010
On the night of December 31, 2009, between 11:30 and midnight, an armed gang of masked men broke into a Wall Street bonus pool and hijacked over four… »
A short s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d out tale
By Guest writer Lee “Mac Daddy” Lane
January 20, 2010
Hi it is Lee Mac Daddy again. Material for another story just swept in, from a Mexico, in the form of a Dilbert Comic book printed in a… »
Russsia Asserting its Power again in a Multi-Polar world
January 16, 2010
In an ominous development reminiscent of the cold war, last week Russia was discovered to be amassing millions of cubic feet of frigid Siberian air, along the border of Kazakhstan,… »
Unknown, Unseen Dark Political Energy May Be the Source of Debt Expansion
Scientists find that background toxic asset radiation is the same in all directions
January 24, 2009
A small group of MIT economists and scientists have recently discovered that the expansion of U.S…. »
Two-Party Stubbornness Lead Independents to Call for the Establishment of Political Party Reservations
January 30, 2010
According to nick-named sources, Democrats have vowed to continue to push for health care reform even after every Democrat is thrown out of office. A chagrined… »