Internet Spam Bombards Man’s Left Front Lobe
September 1, 2010
Sacramento police reported that at midnight on the twenty-sixth of August a worried sounding Sacramento Man called 911 to complain that spammers were attacking his website with malicious comments and salacious advertisements. The emergency operator immediately routed the call to the Sacramento cyber-crime unit; staffed with two… »
Fear that Sex Vacations Could Create U.S. Citizens
August 22, 20101
Senate Republications recently introduced a bill that would compel U.S. citizenship to begin at conception. The new bill, the Family Patriotic Planning Act, proposes to restrict U.S. citizenship to persons who have been both conceived and born inside the United States. However, bill sponsors emphasized that persons… »
Ducking the Budget Issues Again
March 16, 2009-(Note Article Placed in Semi-finals in Humor Press Writing Contest)
A group of Republican Senators from the Finance and Ways and Means committee recently took three days of recess in order to evaluate the White House stimulus package, the housing package, and the bank bailout programs. After dissecting the new… »
(March 30,2009/ (June 29, 2009 update below)
Appeals Court Clears Deck: Levels New Charge Against Former Businessman
The American Businessman “Benie” Madoff, who recently pleaded guilty to an 11-count criminal complaint that he defrauded investors of billions of dollars over a twenty… »
Multiplying Threats to American Security
April 6, 2009
Recently obtained internal documents from the Department of State’s Intelligence Service have indicated that various “terrorist” camps throughout Eastern Afghanistan and North Pakistan, and well as “emerging” camps in Somali and Indonesia has expanded… »
Budget Chops Push Tennis Stars into an Orange Spin-Nips-Spin
April 15, 2009
The recent world-banking crisis has made clear that sports, like other any business activity, can be battered by an unpredictable economy. Recent financial loses by sport team owners and stock… »
Noisy Spring Could Turn into Silent Summer
April 25, 2009-(Note: Article Won 1rst place in Humor and Life Writing Contest)
In a turn of events which Biologists claim is unprecedented in Nature, this spring millions of birds, representing hundreds of species, after… »
May 16, 2009
–Not what Cheney meant
Recently released cable communication reports between the office of the Vice President and Asian Pacific office of the CIA reveal that in the years 2004 and 2005, there was major split between the Bush White… »
Supply and/or Demand Ordered to Make Up
May 24, 2009
Speaking before a college age audience, at the University of Michigan, President Obama introduced his new plan to make the U.S. economy simpler, easier to use, and less hostage to the specialists… »
The Cuban Medical System Gets Stuck Making Fidels
May 27, 2009
The city of Miami and surrounding counties have spun into a frenzy of Hurricane level four panic by rumors of Castro sightings on beach after beach, boat after boat, and raft… »
May, 2 2009
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Internet Clean Up Dangles Writer’s Participals
Expressing frustration with the deterioration in the country’s reading skills and the growing trade in internet smut; a Chicago Judge ordered that all “Adult Content” websites convert each and every displayed photograph, video,… »
The Spam Lobby Plays its E-Hand
June 14, 2009
In a drama fraught with despair, tension, and political intrigue the U.S. Congress ordered doctors and service providers to keep a terminally ill eighty three year old New Jersey man hooked up to… »
Poor Attention Payments May Increase Future Rates of Interest
June 20, 2009-(Note Article place in Semi-finals in Humor Press Writing Contest)
A team of Pentagon budget planners, economists, and psychologists recently analyzed forty years worth of personal finance data from twenty-four U.S…. »
Finger Staples Fingered as a Sex Symbol
July 12, 2009
A Military commission investigating the military’s sixteen year old don’t-ask don’t-tell policy has told military officials they cannot determine whether the policy is working or not. Said one investigator:
“Frankly it has been… »
August 2, 2009
Outbreak Stimulated by Exposure to Health Care Debate
The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta issued a warning that a new strain of health reform resistant doctors has been discovered in six different hospitals and seven clinics in and… »
August 15, 2009-(Note: Article Won first place in Humor and Life Writing Contest)
Scientist Encounter A ChAoTic (!) Whirl-Wind (!) of No Comments ((@)) !
For decades, Scientists suspected that the origin of Atlantic hurricanes lay concealed under the dry dusty air… »
August 22, 2009
Congress Interrogates a CIA Drone
As news of CIA drone attacks, Taliban deaths, and military conflict in South Waziristan has escalated over the past several months, members of Congress have repeatedly demanded that the CIA reveal where South… »
September 7, 2009
A String of Unbroken Promises Wears Out Voters
As the Fall season slowly drifts in and awakens the outdoor air, voter’s excitement and approval of their New President has begun to cool. This changing mood has taken place as… »
Oct, 2 2009
Russia Claims to be More Shocked Than “Burton School” America
Yesterday at 1:30 PM an eighth grade student from Burton, Michigan shocked the world and his school teacher by announcing that he had discovered a second “duplicate” Iran hidden… »
(Note first place winner in humor press national contest**)
Dec. 12, 2009
Unregulated Animals Graze Urban Lawn Hedges and Sniff City Exhaust
As the economy continues to wander aimlessly across the GNP landscape, Americans have begun to express their anger over the uncontrolled… »
Why remain listless in this exciting media year
Dec 31, 2009
In the past several years, newspapers, websites, and advertising companies have become obsessed with numbered lists of facts, opinions, “top” locations, and, of course, barely countable scandals. It seems, as if, the… »
Russsia Asserting its Power again in a Multi-Polar world
January 16, 2010
In an ominous development reminiscent of the cold war, last week Russia was discovered to be amassing millions of cubic feet of frigid Siberian air, along the border of Kazakhstan,… »
The Three Party Dispute Rocks Back and Forth with the Tides
February 5th 2010
In response to President Obama’s plan to eliminate NASA’s project to put a “Man on the moon” by 2021, the Republican Party announced that party functionaries were… »
Politicians, Bankers, Media, and Now, the Public Held in Low Regard
February 20. 2010
Political analysts across the nation expressed alarm that a recent Neilsen poll has revealed that 69% of Americans do not trust American public opinion. Analysts also expressed concern… »
Mysterious Tax Caller Creates One Party Panic
Feb 28, 2010
Republicans attending a Party conference in Washington D.C. were forced to evacuate Washington D.C.’s Marriot Monument Marble Hotel after a mysterious group phoned police and threatened to announce a tax increase inside the… »
Small Square Plastic Piece Comes Under New Scrutiny
March 7, 2010
Over the past week the Toyota Motor company continued to struggle against the unrelenting wave of consumer complaints that Toyota cars had, at times, accelerated spontaneously; taking passengers on surprise motor trips to novel… »
First Step: Troops must Find Their Way Out of the Green Zone
March 20, 2010
As the Obama Administration begins to remove American Troops, and embedded pinup pictures, from Iraq, both the Iraq government and the Iraqi people have begun to voice… »
It Also Includes Rich People
March 27, 2010
Forbles magazine’s recent publication of this year’s list of the one hundred poorest individuals in the world includes African nomads and day laborers from Bangladesh. However, for the first time ever, this year,… »
A Nation at Risk
March 12, 2009
In a sign of America’s failing Education, Recreation, and Sound Systems, there is a growing consensus among nightspot audiences and performers alike, that the United States faces erosion of its critical Karaoke skills. Anecdotal evidence… »
The U.S. and Russian Governments Are Looking All Over the Mountains for the Missing Country
April 18, 2010
U.S. Government analysts report that the entire country of Kyrgyzstan has gone into hiding after last week’s street uprising overthrew the Government. Analysts and… »
“Keep Our Active Craters Out of the Hands of Terrorists”
The White House Calls for an International Conference to Deal with Ash Proliferation
April, 22, 2010
World leaders from six continents breathed a sigh of relief over the near miss which occurred this… »
Immigration Jumps Ahead of Energy Bill to the Front of the Legislative Line
May 1, 2010
Sponsors of the Senate’s 2010 Energy Bill accused their colleagues, and leader Harry Reid, of sneaking the Immigration Bill onto the 2010 Senate calendar without obtaining… »
Owners: Its Getting Too Hard to Find What’s Ringing
May 9, 2010
Like Aliens invading earth from the inside out, hand held cell phones continue to march towards world domination by swallowing up applications from other domains and devices. Having pushed cameras… »
No problems too many too handle
May 16, 2010
As the Greek financial system implodes, oil gushes into the Gulf of Mexico, finance reform entangles itself in Congress, new energy policies burst out in six directions, homes foreclose, stocks gyrate wildly, and… »
It’s a Good Time to Change One’s Past
June 1, 2010
The defeat of Arlen Specter in Pennsylvania’s Democratic Primary, the Victory of Tea Party Candidate Rand Paul in Kentucky, and the news that 70% of Washington Representatives have never used an ATM… »
National Guardsmen have trouble finding the border in the first place.
June 7 ,2009
In a desperate move to control illegal immigration, the U.S. immigration service is planning to hide the U.S.-Mexican border. Initial plans are to bury the border under sand… »
A Salt Engine Fix Before the Hurricanes Attack
June 12, 2010
Frustrated by the Government’s inability to prevent leaks under conditions of intense pressure, the President admitted that oil cleanup information will continue to spill out of the White House and tar… »
The School of Soft Rings Hits the World of Hard Knocks
June 19, 20101
For over a hundred years, Preparatory Schools across the Northeastern Region of the United States have prepared students for the rigors of college and the business world, by… »
A growing ethanol subsidy addiction not far behind.
June 27, 2010
Recent statements by politicians, and news commentators, regarding the American addiction to oil are driving thousand of U.S. citizens to seek help at “Gasoline Anonymous” shelters throughout the country. Shelter owners… »
The Americans Rush In Where Afghans Fear to Tread
July 11, 2009
For over a thousand years tribalism and warlord rivalry have prevented Afghanistan from functioning as a modern state with a strong government and central air conditioning. However, as Pashtu Chiefs,… »
New Currencies Backed By Assets More Valuable than Gold
July 25, 2010
Emilio Papalo Lupapa, a baker from the Greek city of Thessaloniki, recently stunned world financial markets when he declared that he was leaving the Euro-zone and adopting his own currency.
A… »
Across the Political Spectrum Politician Distrust in Voters is at an All Time High.
August 2, 2010
A recent Zugsby poll of elected officials serving in county, state, and national offices has revealed that that 72% of the nation’s politicians disapprove of… »
Work-Shop Math Used to Pound the Lesson Home
Sept 4, 2010
The Education Department has announced that it was recalling a half million high school graduates after officials discovered a defect in the nation’s educational system. According to unnamed sources, several parts… »
Mob Seeks to Extract Scare Resource Before the Politicians Move In
August 17, 2010
Last Thursday, on the afternoon of August 12th, six teenagers, and one tag-a-long eleven year old, discovered a large cluster of job openings inside the warehouse district… »
CEO’s Urge the Economy to Hurry Up and Make up its Mind
August 8, 2010
Fortune magazine recently reported that the nation’s CEO’s are holding back on investment plans and are blaming women for the vacillating movements of the U.S. economy. While… »