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New Year Dec, 30, 2009
Yes, that was a planned Banana News headline. Then the… »
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Department of Education Orders Recall of Five Hundred Thousand High School Graduates
Work-Shop Math Used to Pound the Lesson Home
Sept 4, 2010
The Education Department has announced that it is recalling a half million high school graduates after officials discovered a defect in the nation’s educational system. According to unnamed sources, several parts of the U.S. educational system were found to be working improperly. Providing one example, an unnamed… »
Sacramento Man Complains That His Brain Has Been Turned into a Public Website
Internet Spam Bombards Man’s Left Front Lobe
September 1, 2010
Sacramento police reported that at midnight on the twenty-sixth of August a worried sounding Sacramento Man called 911 to complain that spammers were attacking his website with malicious comments and salacious advertisements. The emergency operator immediately routed the call to the Sacramento cyber-crime unit; staffed with two… »
Republicans: Restrict Citizenship to Those Conceived and Born in the United States
Fear that Sex Vacations Could Create U.S. Citizens
August 22, 20101
Senate Republications recently introduced a bill that would compel U.S. citizenship to begin at conception. The new bill, the Family Patriotic Planning Act, proposes to restrict U.S. citizenship to persons who have been both conceived and born inside the United States. However, bill sponsors emphasized that persons… »
Group of Teenagers Discover an Abandoned Cluster of Jobs: Sets Up Mad Rush For Work
Mob Seeks to Extract Scare Resource Before the Politicians Move In
August 17, 2010
Last Thursday, on the afternoon of August 12th, six teenagers, and one tag-a-long eleven year old, discovered a large cluster of job openings inside the warehouse district of the Chantilly, Virginia; a town located just outside the Washington D.C. beltway.
The boys,… »
Business Executives Hold Female Breadwinners Responsible for the Vacillating Economy
CEO’s Urge the Economy to Hurry Up and Make up its Mind
August 8, 2010
Fortune magazine recently reported that the nation’s CEO’s are holding back on investment plans and are blaming women for the vacillating movements of the U.S. economy. While flush with billions of dollars in cash, and ready to invest at the slightest sign… »
Cheney Interview: Aaron Burr Was My Role Model
Between the Lines Lie the Sounds of Silence
May 26, 2009
In a recent television interview by Ronald Crumond of the Cheyenne Wyoming news station KWS, former Vice President Dick Cheney said that he had always admired Thomas Jefferson’s Vice President Aaron Burr, had considered him a role model, and in some ways managed to emulate Mr…. »
New Poll: A Majority of Politicians Disapprove of the Recent Performance of Voters
Across the Political Spectrum Politician Distrust in Voters is at an All Time High.
August 2, 2010
A recent Zugsby poll of elected officials serving in county, state, and national offices has revealed that that 72% of the nation’s politicians disapprove of the recent performance of American voters. Poll results indicated that 90% percent of politicians who… »
Greek Baker Leaves the Euro-Zone: Sets off Currency Stampede
New Currencies Backed By Assets More Valuable than Gold
July 25, 2010
Emilio Papalo Lupapa, a baker from the Greek city of Thessaloniki, recently stunned world financial markets when he declared that he was leaving the Euro-zone and adopting his own currency.
A statement posted on the door of Mr. Lupapa’s bakery shop declared that the new currency… »
Russian-American Spy Swap A First Step in The New Spy Exchange Program
Double Agents Are Just the First Tround-Around Also
July 17, 2010
According to planned intelligence leaks, last week’s spy-swap between Russia and the United States represents the beginning of a new cross-country spy exchange program between the two countries. Carefully calculated White House leaks, and a gusher from the Office of the Vice President, indicate that the… »
Afghan War Strategy Hampered by Warlord Fighting: American Warlord Fighting
The Americans Rush In Where Afghans Fear to Tread
July 11, 2009
For over a thousand years tribalism and warlord rivalry have prevented Afghanistan from functioning as a modern state with a strong government and central air conditioning. However, as Pashtu Chiefs, Tajik governors, and Farsi speaking tribal leaders step aside and recognize the authority of the… »