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Big-Mac/Grande-Latte Divide

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The other side of the parking lot
Oct 28, 2012
Recent events have shown that the American people have become completely divided on attitudes towards government, toward politics, and where to go for a jolt of caffeine and calories. Yet Americans actually agree on some issues. For example, when asked, 95% of all Americans agreed that a… »

Scientists Close to Proving that Humans Mated with Neanderthals

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Evidence reveals that Humans and Neanderthals went out on dates
May 30, 2011
For years scientists have debated whether humans and Neanderthals had mated. Scientists agree that Neanderthals, a primitive, thick boned cousin of modern humans who went extinct 30 thousand years ago, inhabited a vast range of territory across Europe and Asia.  Excavation of key cave… »

2012 Election News: Every Adult American Is Running for President

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Experts fear a 180 million-way tie.
April 25, 2011
The growing ranks of Presidential candidates has swollen to the point that every Adult American is  running for President in 2012. An exhausted looking Head of the Federal Election Commission (FEC) told  reporters:
“The American ego has trumped over old fashioned paperwork.  That is, as of five o’clock yesterday,… »

Lost New Jersey Man Found Hiding Inside The U.S. Government Budget

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Such Much Spending No One Person Knows What and Who Else is Hidden in the Budget.
March 29, 2012

For years, conservatives have complained that the U.S. Government Budget plan is so vast that no-one person knows what it truly contains. Last week officials of Washington’s Office of Management of Budget (OMB) confirmed that suspicion when… »

Mideast Protests Threaten America’s Protest Monopoly

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Young Americans Not Keeping Up With the Competition.
March 14, 2011
The Baby boom generation continues to demonstrate that it has not lost its ability to kick up a protest and make its critics as mad as a fox in a newsroom.  Last month thousands of gray haired members of the never trust-anyone over thirty generation descended … »

Singles Push for New Marriage Rights

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Why can’t people just marry themselves
December 4, 2011
As same-sex marriage proposals proliferate across the country, a group of California singles demanded that single people should have the right to self-marry. Pave Vivid the film director explained:
“Why can’t I marry myself? I am the same sex as me. If we allow same- sex marriage, I should… »

Mississippi Student Discovers the Source of UFO Kidnapping Stories: Kangaroos

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Little Men Holding Green Cards Aided the Abductors  
October 10. 2010
For eighty years, the people of Alabama and Mississippi have beguiled newspaper readers with UFO-kidnapping stories. Adding spicy zest to grocery store checkout counters, the UFO-kidnapping stories have led scientists and government officials to demand improvements in the education system of the nation’s Southern States.
UFO-kidnap… »

Anniversary of Lehman Collapse: Angry New Jersey Pastor Threatens to Burn MBA books

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Pastors go wild: threaten to burn derivative contracts also
September 18, 2010
To mark the two year anniversary of the collapse of Lehman Brothers, an angry New Jersey pastor threatened to burn each and every MBA book, derivative contract, and subprime mortgage document located within a twenty mile radius of his church.  In a spirited sermon the… »

Department of Education Orders Recall of Five Hundred Thousand High School Graduates

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Work-Shop Math Used to Pound the Lesson Home
Sept 4, 2010
The Education Department has announced that it is recalling a half million high school graduates after officials discovered a defect in the nation’s educational system. According to unnamed sources, several parts of the U.S. educational system were found to be working improperly.  Providing one example, an unnamed… »

Republicans: Restrict Citizenship to Those Conceived and Born in the United States

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Fear that Sex Vacations Could Create U.S. Citizens
August 22, 20101
Senate Republications recently introduced a bill that would compel U.S. citizenship to begin at conception. The new bill, the Family Patriotic Planning Act, proposes to restrict U.S. citizenship to persons who have been both conceived and born inside the United States. However, bill sponsors emphasized that persons… »