The Republican Party Announces Plan to Put a Republican on the Moon by 2020

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The Three Party Dispute Rocks Back and Forth with the Tides

February 5th 2010

In response to President Obama’s plan to eliminate NASA’s project to put a “Man on the moon” by 2021, the Republican Party announced that party functionaries were assembling a rocket that would put a Republican politician, and a live elephant, on the moon by the year 2020. Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele denied that the Republican moon shot plan was an attempt to embarrass or “one up” the President. Instead, he said, that the Republican moon shot was part of the party’s ongoing effort to reach out to new constituencies and craters:

“Actually, we have been planning the Republican trip since George Bush announced plans to send astronauts to Mars. It was then that we realized the moon had been taken for granted by both parties,  and was ripe for a Republican takeover.”

Michael Steele added:

“Our first step is to assemble a six stage nuclear booster rocket. Our second step is to train Republican politicians to handle the “light weight” gravity of the moon. This will go quickly. Given the discussion at recent Republican caucus meetings our party members already have experince maneuvering in light weight environments.

Our third step, of course, is to set foot on the moon and declare the entire lunar surface a flat tax zone.

Within hours of the Republican Party announcement, the breakaway Tea Party announced they had developed a nautical saucer which would transport two Tea Party candidates to the bottom of the 18,000 thousand foot deep Mariana Trench. According to a Tea Party spokesman, the submersible candidates would declare the ocean bottom a “no” tax zone. From there, the Tea Party saucer would launch a “trench warfare” campaign to subvert the Republican Party from underneath its own lunatic fringe.

The next day, an undisclosed White House spokesman told reporters that Republicans were free expend resources to stretch out their influence to other heavenly bodies. 

To show good faith, across-the-aisle, the White House announced it would provide Republican strategists with space maps that give clear directions to the moon’s dark side.

Responding to the threat of a Democrat/Republican rapport, a Tea Party spokesman called the entire Democratic party a collection of “mother earth cuddling, deep space-avoiding, teacher-pet-Al-Gore, wimps”.

The Tea Party then offered to crash a ship space into to the moon which would to scatter a million food stamps across the moon’s surface. A Tea Party spokeman said that future space traveling generations, would then know how widespread U.S. Government fraud, waste, and food stamp abuse had become under a Democratic administration.

The White House hit back by stating “traditionalist Republican-style” writers were responsible for the romantic tales which had turned the moon into the largest piece of fraud waste, and abuse in the solar system.

Both conservative parties hit back blasting Democrats for ”halting exploration visits” to bleak and barren environments ”just because”; such places do not provide tax revenues for Washington D.C.’s “entitled class”.

A Democratic spokesperson said, that, on the contrary, most Democrats continue “to explore” attending some form of religious service each week.

To show good faith with the Tea party’s trench-based subversion campaign, the Democratic spokesman said the White House would provide the Tea party with Naval maps of the earth’s ocean currents and coastal yacht clubs; clubs which the spokeman said “are filled with disenchanted  downstream” Republicans.

The next day Ralph Nader announced that by the year 2019 the Green Party woud plant ten thousand “progressive” green voters inside the deep interiors of the Worlds Rain Forests.

Pat Buchanan quickly followed by announcing the launching of the “America First Party” and said, by the year 2020, the party would plant over 20 million Hispanic Americans south of the Rio Grande border.

Afraid of  being left out in the rush, the Liberterian Party announced that it would place five hundred party members ”at any location any volunteer chooses to go.”

Not to be outdone, the Government of China announced that, by the year 2021, it would put six thousand U.S. politicians on the Great Wall walkway for photo shoots and a day of inter-continental bribe exchange.

After several days of agressive intra-party one upmanship competition, reporters caught up with President and asked him if he regretted his moon shot decision and asked if the Democrats had come up with a dramatic inspirational spot to place key Democratic politicians.

The President answered that he was deliberating on the matter, but did say, that by the year 2020, the Democrats hoped to place 50 different Democrats in the Govenor’s office in 50 different State Capitols.





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