Not Just Toyota: Fed Reserve’s Greenspan Faces Unintended Acceleration Charge

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Small Square Plastic Piece Comes Under New Scrutiny

March 7, 2010

Small Square Plastic Piece Comes Under New Scrutiny

The Toyota Motor Company continues to recover from the false charge that Toyota cars spontaneously accelerate; taking passengers on surprise motor trips to unexpected locations across the globe.

Now, a legal claims board representing both consumers and business owners has alleged that, over the past decade, when their clients were in the middle of executing important financial transactions; the entire U.S. economy lurched forward and suddenly accelerated.

According to the claims board, both consumers and businesses were navigating their way through the post, telecom, 9-11 bomb economy when, the U.S. growth rate rapidly pitched forward; sending small businesses and home finances into a pothole of inter-state debt.

The board asserts that as consumers and businesses tried to regain control of their financial transmissions, they were overwhelmed by the ever quickening growth of the U.S. economy which, in mid-2006, jumped into overdrive; spinning out rubbery credit and discharging greased mortgages, while burning through banks of easy money.

The claims board has issued a statement on forty eight websites, and one bumper sticker, which charges former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan with causing the personal savings of millions of Americans to crash head-on into falling Wall-Street stocks; while allowing thousands of business enterprises to——slowly——–slide into the side-ditch of bankruptcy.

Dr. Howard Wayne, who is representing the consumer-business group in their dispute with the Federal Reserve, told newspaper reporters:

“Both regulators and economists warned the Fed that if they kept holding interest rates to the floor, the economic acceleration would blow up the bank transmission system.

There was also concern that the Fed’s monetary policy would weigh America’s panhandlers down with a flood of loose copper pennies.

When the charge was directly put to Alan Greenspan, the former Federal Reserve Chairman slowly answered with an impressive tangle of verbs, nouns, and acronyms.

Seasoned Greenspan watchers said the former Fed Chairman had said that he had:

“No comment”

However, seasoned Greenspan listeners said that the former Chairman had: “commented”.

Seasoned watchers responded by insisting that Greenspan’s remark was clearly a:

“No comment”

As the watcher-listener comment debate raged, Federal Reserve defenders—–Wall Street traders and people who moved to Idaho and dropped “off the grid” before 2007 —-said that the acceleration of the economy was not the fault of the Federal Reserve Policy.

Instead, Fed defenders said the economic acceleration problem had stemmed from a poorly designed square plastic part, which drove consumers to accelerate into the pothole of personal debt.

Fed Defenders point out that prudent consumers should have seen the problem ahead of time and replaced their square plastic part, with a reputable a designer square that, at minimum, should have included an inlaid eagle hologram.

Business owners disagreed with the assessment of the Fed defenders.

For example, a well known Las Angeles clothing outlet owner told reporters:

“After the Federal Reserve acceleration, wave after wave of consumers continued to pile into my wool and cashmere sweater outlet. I tried closing the front doors but customers just kept coming through the windows and back doors, buying, buying, and demanding to buy more. The buyers demanded sweaters, socks, shirts, and even future rights to purchase specific Hollywood monograms. When I ran out of cashmere inventory, twenty accelerated consumers came through the front window and the bought the rug. “

After one week of discussion, Dr. Howard Wayne accelerated the debate by charging Dr. Greenspan with moving two directions at once.

“While he was privately accelerating the economy, the former Fed Chairman stalled out when discussing economics in public.  It is the combination of the two contradictory ‘intentions’ that led personal economic transactions to ‘unintentionally’ accelerate.

We even have some evidence that the Fed’s actions caused drivers to subconsciously over-accelerate their Toyotas in a mad dash to find the best parking space at the local mall.”

Toyota’s North American market spokesperson, Hikura, Hideo, Hitoshi, (better known as: “Bob”) agreed that Dr. Wayne’s hypothesis had merit.

Bob also assured reporters that the Toyota motor company would investigate whether it had installed any defective square plastic components inside its dealer’s financing network.

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