Iraqi Complaint About American Pullout: The Plan Leaves Too Many Iraqi’s In Iraq

By admin

 First Step: Troops must Find Their Way Out of the Green Zone

March 20, 2010

As the Obama Administration begins to remove American Troops, and embedded pinup pictures, from Iraq, both the Iraq government and the Iraqi people have begun to voice strong opposition to the American withdrawal plan. Specifically, Iraqis are furious that American troops are returning to the United States while leaving the entire Iraqi population behind in the Mideast.

The Iraqi Minister of Tribal Populations and Changing Locations expressed a common Iraqi sentiment, while speaking to reporters for the Stars and Stripes magazine, who were ‘embedded’ deep within the musky interior of Baghdad’s Green Zone:

“Please, give to me, a wonderful California Visa, thank you.”

Iraqi’s point out that after the U.S. withdrew from Vietnam, in 1976, over a million Vietnamese citizens followed by plane and boatload to the United States where they quickly established a reputation for: hustling like entrepreneurs, studying like graduate students, and, being several inches short. 

Iraqi’s claim that they are poised to make similar contributions to American culture and business. That is, both government officials and ordinary Iraqi’s say that, given the right incentives, and U.S. visas, they too can transform themselves into hustling entrepreneurs and diligent students. And Iraqis promise to stand in holes, once they reach the United States, to insure native Americans feel tall.

The Iraqi Vice-Minister of Tribal Populations and Changing Locations, when speaking to Knoxville News Sentinel reporters, just within the boundary of the green zone expressed his own ”tribe-free” view:

“Please, give my boss a magnificent California Visa. And provide to me, please, New York rental control apartment; with thank you visa stamp in glorious American mailbox.”

Iraqi’s claim that it is only fair, after allowing hundreds of thousands American troops to be stationed in Iraq for six years, that the United States reciprocates by allowing hundred of thousand Iraqi citizens to station themselves in California, New York, and on fantasyland rides at Disney World.  

Iraqi’s also say that the mere presence of Iraqi men, sporting Groucho Marx mustaches, on the streets of New York and Los Angeles, will persuade inner city gangs to drop their knives and, instead, battle for turf with flippant cigars, jumping eye brows, and verbal wisecracks.

Furthermore the presence of Iraqi immigrants, Iraqi’s claim, will encourage the development of an Arabic accented Spanish which will allow speakers, to scare off criminals by sounding like someone, who has, just swallowed a bowl of hot sand.

The Iraqi Assistant-Vice-Minister of Tribal Populations and Changing Locations when speaking to roaming reporters for the Plant City, Florida Packer Star, just outside the boundary of the green zone expressed his “own” view.

“Please, give my boss a high importance New York rental control apartment, with a shining visa stamp in mailbox. Also provide my upper level boss with a cutting edge California visa. For me, nothing, thank you;

except a Chicago Cub baseball ticket with visa stamp for quick baseball game visit to United States.  Also thank you for hitting Wrigley Field homeruns over beautiful American fences.”

Iraqi’s claim their country’s secular tolerance had been ripped apart by the American invasion, and that Shiite revenge was slowly pushing Sunni Iraqi’s to live on the boundary lines between several different, war and peace, worlds.  Iraqi’s say, therefore, it is only fair that Americans return threatened Sunnis to a secular society, such as the United States, where religious tolerance is encouraged by the U.S. Government, churches that employ guitars during prayer, and drunks.

The Iraqi Vice-Assistant Vice-Minister of Tribal Populations and Changing Locations when speaking to a reporter for the University of Utah college paper, who was found looking for quotes several miles outside the boundary of the green zone, expressed his “own” view to the student reporter:

“I have happy many esteems for watching good-looking Wrigley Field homeruns fly over beautiful American fences. I like holding a striking handsome American passport and waving it in air for victory sport celebration with magnificent America homerun hitters.  And for my boss,— is also,—loving California Los Angeles home runs in the Beach-Boy sunshine stadiums of America.”

Iraqi’s remind listeners that it was their country that developed the first edible form of wheat and barley beer; as well as starting up the first civilization on earth. Therefore, they say it is only fair that Americans allow Iraqis the chance to “drop in” on America drinking bars and sand-which shops, every day, where they can join their “fellow” American citizens in complaining about American tax money being wasted on foreign wars and ungrateful foreigners.

The Iraqi Deputy-Vice-Assistant Vice-Minister of Tribal Populations and Changing Locations, speaking to a student from California’s Bakersfield community college who had lost his passport, and was wandering about several miles outside the boundary of Iraq, looking for an “oasis” or “green zone;” expressed his “own personal” view on the matter to the student:

“Iraqi people think American invasion was big mistake, wasting money, and finding out, after deciding Iraq, that Taliban is over there waay,— in Pakistan.

And we are thinking, every day, of too many Americans living inside Baghdad Green-city- Zone and, every day, not finding the never-existing missing destruction, Sadam, weapons.

So Iraqi people should have California Visas since we are thinking already like American people with same memory of striking out from the big Iraq pitch.

Please-thank you America, for now thinking like Iraqi people think also.

Please thank for you asking me to be your secular friendly beautiful neighbor, with me riding Chevrolet lawn mower, for many many wonderful future years living inside America’s green-suburb zones.”

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