The U.S. Government Announces Plan to Hide The U.S.-Mexican Border

By admin

National Guardsmen have trouble finding the border in the first place.

June 7 ,2009

In a desperate move to control illegal immigration, the U.S. immigration service is planning to hide the U.S.-Mexican border. Initial plans are to bury the border under sand and dirt or hide it behind rocks.  Immigration officials say, however, that eventually, they will move the border to the interior of China.

Officials say that once the border is hidden, illegal immigrants will be unable to determine when they have crossed into the United States, will become confused and discouraged, will turn South and search elsewhere for the United States of America.

Congressmen Jason Sperling of Texas when speaking at a English literature pep rally at a Lubbock Texas high school, praised the English metaphorical form while alluding to “human spam and it’s attachments” that pop up on America’s frontiers each day.  He then explained the border plan to the students:

“People in South Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico complain that their cities and towns have become so inundated with illegals that their own home town looks like Mexico. We plan to use that phenomena to our advantage. That is, we plan to convince illegals that they are STILL in Mexico. Once the illegal crossovers get to thinking that the USA might be located somewhere else, or is just some Opra Television myth, most of them will turn around and head home. After all, why abandon your family, favorite beer joint, and after-lunch siesta, just to end up doing a donkey’s labor and get paid North Mexican wages for it?”

The Plan Begins

Washington officials claim that the Government plan to hide the border began in late May after President Obama ordered 1,200 additional national guard to report—immediately– to the U.S. Mexican border.

One week later border officials affirmed that only eight-six national  guard showed up.  The FBI quickly instituted a nationwide search for the missing national guardsmen.

Within three days, twenty four national guard were arrested in a Northern suburb of San Antonio Texas, after blocking students from crossing the street next to San Antonio’s “Lady of Guadalupe” Catholic school.

San Antonio Mayor—Julian Castro quickly ordered a search for additional missing national guardsmen. Within an hour, sixty eight national guard and four tourists were found, holed up, at the Alamo.

Twenty four hours later Canadian Mounties found twelve of the missing national guardsmen, one and thirty hundred yards North of U.S.-Canadian Border, demanding Mexican passports and U.S. visa stamps from drivers entering Canada.

Over the next week U.S. military officials rounded National Guardsmen  who had set up blockages:

– at an interstate exchange in Pueblo Colorado,

 –in Mcdonald’s parking lot in Escondito California,

–in a strawberry field near Salinas,

–at the entrance to a stairwell leading to the uppers floors of an office building in Albuquerque, New Mexico,

–at the exit door of forty six urinal men’s room at the Oklahoma City Baseball stadium


–at sixteen thousand feet in the mountains of Ecuador.

In each case, apprehended guardsmen insisted that it sure looked, sounded, and smelled, like they had “correctly located themselves” on the U.S.-Mexican border.

At this point Homeland security officials in Washington D.C. came up with the plan to hide the border.

Mexico’s Response

Mexican officials expressed concern about the immigration plan saying that a hidden U.S.-Mexico border may cause U.S. auto firms, and other maquiladora factories, which have invested heavily in the Mexican economy over the past two decades, to accidently build new factories in the United States.

This loss of potential Mexican jobs, say officials, would send millions of Mexicans workers North,— and South, East, West,—- looking for jobs, a Big Mac meal, and a church with an English language class.

Furthermore, Mexican officials say the plan would encourage aggressive drug cartels to sneak sections of the border to Southern Mexico or even Nicaragua.

Mexico’s Minister of “North American Relations and Occasionally Canada Too” made the following comment to a group students at a Spanish poetry recital in Mexico City:

“How would Joe six-pack in Minnesota feel if, one day, he woke up to hear that Mexico’s most dangerous cartel leader had made off with two hundred miles of the U.S.-Mexico border, moved it to Chiapas, declared 4 million impoverish Chiapans: “citizens of New York State”, and threatened to put each of them on U.S. welfare roles unless we paid his cartel an eight hundred million dollar bribe.

You can guess what would happen.

The Minnesota Twins Loving, Joe six-pack drinker, would get really, really, crazy mad knowing that the Yankees had over three million loyal new fans.

That’s how we feel when we lose 2% of our population to the leaky North border every year.”

 The White House Takes Over

In response to complaints, President Obama ordered FBI investigators to go down “there” and straighten out the border.

Editorial writers across the nation responded to the President’s order by noting that the straight section of the U.S.-Canadian border was lined with thoroughly dull towns which are devoid of economic innovation or clever, language-blended advertisements. Editorial writers suggested that it might be more productive for FBI investigators to make the U.S.-Canadian border as crooked and colorful as the one with Mexico. 

As the White House took over the border initiative it demanded to know why the Immigration Service had planned to move the U.S.-Mexican border to the interior of China.

Immigration officials insisted that outsourcing the border to China was only a temporary gesture. That is, they said the plan was for Chinese workers to build a Great Wall around the border, and when done, ship it back to the US for final assembly.

The White House quickly scotched that plan saying that China would only produce pirated copies of the U.S.-Mexican border, sell it on the black market to third world countries, who would then use their newly purchased U.S. border to create millions of U.S. citizens and demand social security payments from Washington.

Meanwhile, the White House announced it had found the final forty six missing National Guardsmen at a blockade 140 yards South of  Rio Grande river; set up to prevent North American manufacturing jobs from escaping to Mexico.

Banana News

Share this story:
  • Digg
  • Facebook
  • Slashdot
  • StumbleUpon

One Response to “The U.S. Government Announces Plan to Hide The U.S.-Mexican Border”

  1. Thank you for the great share.I’m sure lots of people will benefit to this share.Please keep me updated of any new information that you will have.Will definitely share this to my friends for them to be aware also.Thanks and good luck.


Leave a Reply