Mississippi Student Discovers the Source of UFO Kidnapping Stories: Kangaroos

By admin

Little Men Holding Green Cards Aided the Abductors  

October 10. 2010

For eighty years, the people of Alabama and Mississippi have beguiled newspaper readers with UFO-kidnapping stories. Adding spicy zest to grocery store checkout counters, the UFO-kidnapping stories have led scientists and government officials to demand improvements in the education system of the nation’s Southern States.

UFO-kidnap stories also have led Medical experts to recommend that homeowners move away from swamps that produce noxious gases, rotting fumes, and strange insect noises. 

And UFO-kidnap stories have encouraged, first, Beatniks then hippies, and now baby boom retirees, to scour the American South to find the botanical source of the little green men stories.

Now a Mississippi State University PHD student, Depak Gopi-Krishnaharhar, who calls himself Krish-harhar for short, has claimed that his family’s four pet Kangaroo’s is the source of Mississippi’s space-alien kidnapping stories.

Mr. Gopi-Krishnaharhar mailed the following explanation to his examination committee:

My father never explained the Kangaroos to me either. But after he died, I opened his papers and discovered he was obsessed with:

–Finding the missing link between the Mississippi Possum and the Australian Kangaroo.

–Developing a human pouch for carrying food, mail, and pet kangaroos.

–Getting Mississippi’s service workers to apply Kangaroo hopping techniques to their work.

My father’s ultimate goal was to open a restaurant and have the waiters hop about like marsupials while stuffing cake and other desert choices in their pouches.

The Reflector, Mississippi State’s student paper, quoted Mr. Krishnaharhar as saying:

“To the end my father believed that people would pay good money for service workers who could hop “to it”, like Marsupials. He also thought his kangaroos somehow might be used to improve the State of Mississippi basketball skills.”

The graduate student then added:

“It seems my father’s hopping-waiter school made people’s imagination leap more than anything else.”

Reporters and UFO fans, quickly swamped the Krishnaharhar’s family home and adjacent rice milling shop, in Tupelo Mississippi.

Mrs. Krishnaharhar stepped outside, before cameras, and said she could not recall using incense and Sanskrit chanting to welcome students to her husband’s waiter-hopping school. However, she did admit to teaching new students twirly-Hindu-dance leaps to prepare them for two weeks of hopping about with the family kangaroos.

Marky-Jo Jefferson, a southside Tulepo waitress, told UFO fans that she was sure that back in 1983, it was Space Aliens and not kangaroos or “Hinda-stanis”, that fed her burnt bean soup, Martian-grown rice, and floppy, hand-me-down, flying saucer parts —-that tasted like bread—-, just to fatten her up;——before she escaped back to earth.

And Leroy-Hawkins Sterling told Tupelo radio:  

“It wurnt no kangaroos wearing those Star Wars clothes who were trying to teach me introduction to Martian. In fact, I remember after I walked into their trap, outside a Tupelo rice-mill, this space alien told me that he was holding a green card. I figured that he meant that little green men need identity cards to get back to Mars. So said, “I already have my green-man card” and jumped right out of there.

Mr. Krishnaharhar responded to the clamor by sending a copy of his dissertation entitled:

“A Cultural Clash of Social Mores: The Confluence of South Asian Hospitality in a Southern American Hospitality Setting: The Case of the Misunderstood Kangaroo Hopping School”

to the Tupelo town library.

Later appearing on Tupelo radio, Mr. Krishnaharhar admitted that his father’s school had a 30% dropout rate and 65% hop away rate.  

However, Mr. Gopi-Krishnaharhar said he had tracked down one hopping school graduate who claimed that his education had landed him a job selling pogo sticks; door-to-balcony.

And the PHD student, said records showed that one of his father’s graduates had moved to Australia and was briefly married to a Kangaroo; before reforming and running off with wide-eyed Koala bear.

UFO fans said that it was clear that the PHD candidate had been kidnapped by space-aliens and had had his brain washed in “Martian, rose smelling water”.

To scientifically prove their point; UFO fans burnt copies of Mr. Krishnaharhar’s dissertation.

Kidnap victim Marky Jo’s Jefferson eighth husband, Hank Wally-Bob Jefferson, the eighth, summed up the skeptics view:

“Like– where are the Tupelo kangaroos today? Did they just hop off? Like rabbits? Or did they get put in the dance section of Tupelo’s Elvis Presley museum? Like, if there was Kangaroo’s back then, didn’t they fill their pouches with babies who would be growed up and be hopping all over Tupelo’s sport parks and shopping malls today?

Face it, the Martians and their Pluto neighboors are here, among us. Their plan is to transform the people of Mississippi into possums and ship us out to some pointy-towered Mosque located somewhere next to the Martian north pole.

                                    It’s true. 

I mean, they have pictures of it in every newpaper; at every store check-out counter in town”.

After two weeks of absorbing similar commentary from UFO fans, Mr. Gopi-Krishnaharhar said he was leaving Mississippi and would hop over to Texas A&M University in College Station Texas to do his post doc research.

The graduating PHD student said his next research project would be titled:

“A Cultural Clash of Social Mores: The Confluence of South Asian Storytelling in a Southern American Storytelling Setting:

The Case of the Misunderstood Kangaroo Hopping School Dissertation.”

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