Six Out of Ten Americans Don’t Beleive In Federal Deficits

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The Tooth fairy’s are Buying Up all the U.S. Government Bonds

November 21, 2010

A recent six-city and two truck-stop opinion survey, reveals that six out of ten Americans don’t believe in the federal budget deficit. Film maker Pave Vivid summed up the typical response:

“Americans think the federal deficit is like Big-Foot. People shiver and talk about it. Some say it’s out there. But no one has ever really seen it.

Over and over again you hear people say: ‘If the deficit is so immense, where are the photos and the dead bodies?’”

According to pollsters, most Americans believe politicians are making up the deficit in order to frighten voters into eliminating elections.

Americans say that if there were a big federal budget deficit, there would be no money; a condition which the public says is refuted by daily observation and the fact that there is so much sex on TV.

Pave Vivid:

“At 7-11 stores, you see people were buying, milk, cheese balls, phone cards, –you name it. You see customers pulling twenty dollar bills right out of their wallet or purse.

Just like that.

And the 7-11 employees just pull change out of the cash register.

Just like that.

Like rabbits out of hat.

 No fret. No sweat. 

And no drawn-  -out conversations about the welfare of future generations.

If there is this colossal government deficit, why do people have money?

And why is there all this sex on TV?”

Despite this claim, millions of moneyless Americans say they only will believe that there is a deficit, when the government proves it, by providing them with government borrowed money.

Mr. Vivid caught a moneyless man, waking up from the back of a truck, parked next to 7-11 parking lot, on film:

“Ah, yeah, the deficit.

I think, the deficit is out there. It’s lurking out of sight. It’s slowly eating up our money. And it’s waiting to pounce on the American GNP.

I mean, you just don’t see cash like you used to.

Come to think of it; I haven’t seen a hundred dollar bill all year.

Ah yeah, the pennies.

Where there used to be dollar bills in your pocket?

Nowadays, there’s a bunch of dang-blasted loose pennies. I mean, it’s like having ants in your wallet.

You know the worst thing about living in a truck? You miss out seeing all the sex on TV.”

Economists say that it is difficult to explain the concept of a “deficit” to voters as long as the economy continues to inch forward; like a seventy year old driver in rush hour traffic.

Dr. Keithly Kuchler:

“The idea that Federal spending “seriously-hazardously-horrifically-really-for-sure” exceeds revenue is difficult to convey a public who:

–grew up bombarded by advertising superlatives


see the economy inching forward like a seventy year driver who imagines there is traffic in front of him, 

and who:

–constantly see a surplus of indulgent smut on TV.”

Adding to the confusion; politicians and government officials continue to spend and tax as if there no deficit.

Solutions, solutions; A Surplus of Deficit Solutions

The nation’s legal experts say the solution is to build a large debtor prison on the Washington D.C. mall in full view the Capitol building.

Accountants say the solution to is to change the law so that only CPA’s are eligible to run for Congress. Accountants claim the added advantage of having a CPA certified Congress is that the entire political news industry will drop into a stupor and retire, after the first hour of congressional debate.

Engineers say the solution is to make dollar bills out of lead rocks which buyers would be forced to load onto their backs whenever they go shopping.

Economists say the solution is to get slow moving retirees off the economic road.

Truck drivers say the solution is to get slow moving retirees off the asphalt roads.

Retirees say the solution is to have Congress learn more about accounting and have accountants to learn more about sex, and have trucks drivers watch less TV sex, when they are driving, so they don’t block  the road for people who are driving to the bank to pick up their social security check.

Newscasters say the solution is to have more sex on TV.

The Missing  Picture

Media experts say if the federal deficit could be turned into a more tangible disaster, like a hurricane or an earthquake, then reporters may understand it and pay attention.

Pave Vivid:

“Like, if you take the trillion-baud-zillion pennies which are embodied in the deficit and air drop them on like, Yellowstone Park, and set off this seriously-hazardously-horrifically-really-for sure, 9.4 Richter scale earthquake; the CNN staff will get all “breaking news” excited and start broadcasting the deficit story. 

If a geyser blows up, I am sure they will up-grade the Federal government deficit to a “happening now” story.

Even though, the federal deficit has been– happening now–for over forty years.

Of course, the public won’t remember it, unless CNN follows up with explanations about what to do if a earthquake strikes when you are having sex or watching TV.”

Pave Vivid:

“However, the problem with the deficit-earthquake conversion idea, is that people might like it and demand an even bigger deficit.”

 The Politicians Weigh In

The nation’s politicians also voiced skepticism about the existence of the deficit by coming forward, after checking the poll results, to voice “their” view.

A consortium of conservative politicians said all the deficit talk comes from “the theory of budgeting” which they claim has never been proved since no has found the missing link between deficits and subsequent economic distress.

A stray gaggle of liberal politicians say all the deficit talk comes from “the theory of economics” which they claim has never been proved since no one has found the missing link between economic distress and subsequent deficits.

In contrast, Tea Party politicians say they do believe in deficits

However, they say the solution to the Federal deficit problem is to sell the U.S. government to China.

Even the few remaining middle-of-the road-and-waiting-to-be-run-over politicians say there needs to be more investigation of the links between the deficit and the performance of other sectors of the economy.

That is, middle of the road politicians say no one has found the missing link between the level of a nation’s financial indulgence and the amount of sex shown on public TV.


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