Tea Party: Repeal Anti-biotics

By admin

Survival of Fittest Means We Won the Electron

February 7, 2009

Two weeks ago Congress repealed of the 2009 Health care act.

Now, a group newly elected group of Tea Party Congressmen have announced a plan to repeal the use of Antibiotics.  Asserting that antibiotic consumption lowers the quality of breeding Americans, Tea Party officials claimed that  keeping sick people alive beyond their means,  overworks the nation’s doctors, starves the nation’s undertakers, and increases the federal deficit.

Newly elected Congressman Palt Rander of the North West Georgia explained the group view in a “Tea-Time and Tempest-Tea-Pot” interview with a New York City reporter:

“We Google-searched the entire Constitution and could not find the word anti-biotic. That is, when our nation was founded, nature’s tiny critters winnowed out the unfit in the marketplace of survival, and guaranteed that the American gene stock was strong as a farm-ox.”

NYC Reporter: “But the founding fathers did not have a good enough microscope to see bacteria. How could they put anti-biotics in the Constitution if they didn’t know about biotics in the first place?”

Rep. Rander: “Have you ever seen, heard, or smelled bacteria yourself? Well maybe, you smelled. But how do you know that pro-evolution propagandists are not just making up bacteria for their own political gain?”

NYC Reporter: “Nobody can see, hear, or smell the federal deficit, today. Should we believe that economists are just making it up also?”

Rep. Rander: “That’s why we plan to eliminate the deficit.  If nobody can see it, what is the use of having it around?”

NYC Reporter:  “I can’t see bacteria. So by your logic people should take antibiotic drugs to eliminate bacteria too?”

Rep. Rander: “I see.”

NYC Reporter: “You do?”

Rep. Rander “I see, that you can’t see bacteria. Nor Tea Party Logic.”

NYC Reporter: “I can see Obama’s health care plan.”

Rep. Rander: “But Congress voted to destroy Obama-care, so you are seeing something that is not there.”

NYC Reporter: “But I read key parts of the health plan before you voted against it. Besides the Senate and the President say the health care plan still exists.”

Rep Rander: “Your “key part” statement is the key reason why we voted against Obama-care. The plan was so big no one could see the whole thing. How do you know that the part you read was the key part? And besides, Obama-care was making the U.S. federal deficit so big, that people could see the debt piling up all the way from China.”

NYC Reporter : “Wait. Before you agreed that no one could see the deficit.”

Rep Rander: “The Chinese can see the American deficit. They have special eyes for money.”

NYC Reporter: “So why not let the Chinese use their special vision to design and sell us anti-biotics?”

Rep Rander:  ”Import Chinese drugs? Don’t you remember the Opium wars? Do you want to put the sandal on the other foot?”

NYC Reporter: “But didn’t Tea once come from China?”

Rep Rander: ”Flooding our nation with Chinese anti-biotics will keep weak Americans alive long enough to breed more weakness into our gene pool. Before you know it, the American breed will be so weak, that voters would elect Democrats to office every election year.”

NYC Reporter: “And the NFL’s best tackles and linebackers would wind up  getting beat up by a hoard of Asian ping pong players with padded paddles. Right?”

Rep Rander: “Precisely, that’s why we must ban Obama-biotics.”

NYC Reporter “Obama-biotics?”

Rep Rander: “It’s the President’s plan to weaken America, by keeping the sick alive and provide them with drugs in order to make the world’s terrorist bacteria stronger. You never know who the President is really working for. You know the President is hiding over a billion bacteria in his guts.”

NYC Reporter: “Everybody stores over a billion bacteria in their gut. The how people digest food.”

Rep Rander: “So do you want to join the President in allowing the sale of anti-biotics;  in effect wiping out the entire nation’s stock of stomach bacteria and creating a constipated Republic of America?”

NYC Reporters: “That is a sick statement.”

Rep Rander: “So why are you keeping it alive by arguing with it?”

NYC Reporter: “I just can’t see the logic to the plans and rhetoric of the newly elected Tea Party Republicans. Why can’t you guys be like old fashion Republicans and least agree with Democrats about what to do the nations supply of bacteria? ”

Rep Rander: “We are only following the logic of the voters.”

NYC Reporter: “But the opinion polls showed that in the last election, voters voted with their gut. That is, you got elected by trillions of bacteria.”

Rep Rander: “Yes, we won by the biggest margin, since the U.S. Constitution was written.”

NYC Reporter: “I thought the Constitution did not recognize bacteria.”

Rep. Rander: “We can add an amendment to count bacterial voting. Though, I admit some my constituents claim their own stomachs split several ways.  That is, there was a bit of a political breakdown in many voters’ stomachs. But a little post-election Pepto-Bismal will take care of that.”

NYC Reporter: “But not anti-biotics? Where you draw the line? That is, I am trying to see what Tea Party Republicans stand for.”

Rep Rander:  “We are not anti, anti-biotic. Instead we are pro-bacteria and pro-keeping America’s DNA strong as an ox, so voters will continue to vote in every election.”

NYC Reporter: “Like an ox?”

Rep Rander: “Yes, vote like Sarah Palin”.

NYC Reporter : “Survival of the fittest. Itsn’t that a bit Darwinian?”

Rander: “Nothing is wrong with Darwin, when it comes to business, politics, and keeping taxes low for the people who win the economic struggle. It’s just all the billions of years of evolution stuff that we don’t agree with.”

NYC Reporter: “So Tea party types don’t like big numbers, unless they count as victory votes.”

Rep Rander: “We stand against trillion dollar deficits, against trillion dollar health care, and against growth of a trillion-billion drug resistant bacteria.”

NYC Reporter: “And a billion years of evolution.”

Rep  Rander:  “If you can’t count it on your fingers and toes it is bad for America.”

NYC Reporter: “A twenty-one gun salute is bad for America?”

Rep Rander:  “Sarah Palin says you are allowed to count your trigger finger twice.”

NYV Reporter: “So what happens when Americans stop taking antibiotics and the number of bacteria grow to be over a hundred billion trillion. Is that bad or good?”

Rep Rander: “It is good if the remaining ox-strong voters, vote with their gut. Like, I said, I don’t mind having trillions of bacteria supporting my position.”

NYV Reporter: “Which is?”

Rep-Rander : ”No bacteria in the Constitution. That is, ban anti-biotics sales and close down the obama-phrama-cies.”

NYC Reporter: “But what if I told you that the paper that the Constitution is written on, even though it is sealed in an air-tight case, is crawling with millions of bacteria. That is, there might be bacteria walking all over the U.S. Constitution as we speak. Would you still ban anti-biotics?”

Rep Rander : ”Only if they are sold by China.  That is, everyone knows China and Obama are just waiting for the microbes to digest our democracy.”

NYC  Reporter: “I give up you can’t win trying to argue with a member of the Tea Party. I admit, your party has brilliantly constructed a new form of logic from a scaffold of contradictions and a partial vacuum of free floating facts.”

Rep Rander: “That is because your are from New York, which means you are a Democratic who probably had ancestors with took anti-biotics which led your DNA to become de-oxidized . Next thing you know, I will have to show where your trigger finger is.”

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