Analysts: Huge Weather Surplus Drives up Commodity Prices

By admin

A lazy wind does not help

June 18, 2012

In the past six months, prices of oil, wheat, corn, and even barley-beer have exploded.

Farm news reports blame the weather.

As economic theory would predict, the upward surge in commodity prices, has caused the supply of angry commentary to increase.  Just in the past six weeks, angry Americans have blamed greedy oil companies, meat-eating middle-class Chinese hordes, and a “do-nothing” American Congress for driving up commodity prices.

Meanwhile, farmers report observing leftover clouds floating—lazily– on the farm horizon.

The outpouring of fault finding commentary shows that Americans have not lost their entrepreneurial ability to respond to the forces of the market.

Chinese citizens report seeing miles of rain-clouds backed-up against the Himalaya Mountains.

Now, China’s black markets are gobbling up cheap weather gossip from around the world and using them to manufacture rumors  which claim that a “blowhard”  American Congress has produced a surplus of “wickedly bad-globally warm” American weather.

Across Asia, vendor stalls are selling Chinese-pirated Iowa farm news reports with Chinese subtitles  which blame the American Congress and America’s excessive output of weather for raising world food prices.

Fueling the rumor mill, last week, the House of Representatives demanded that the White House come clean about this year’s output of American weather and the effect it might be having on commodity prices.

The White House denies reports that it is drifting with the Congressional wind.

Congressmen Maxigrandon the III of Mississippi explained the House view to reporters:

“Forty years ago, when you cut down a forest, it would grow back on its own. When you threw out the garbage, the microbes ate it clean. But the EPA handouts and environmental restrictions have made Mother Nature lazy. The latest pile up of surplus weather, and high commodity prices, is what you get when you put the government in charge of its own policy.”

Economists say the output of angry commentary prove that markets are working according to the principals of economic theory.

Dr. Keithly Kuchler spamed six million websites with the following explanation on a power-point slide:

“As commodity prices rise, the demand curve for public blame has shifted outward. Since there is plenty of blame to go around the supply of blame has quickly increased .”

Dr. Kuchler’s next spam-slide added:

“Blaming the weather is good economics because everything else is controlled by the Federal Reserve.”

Demonstrating their usual creativity, newspaper columnists followed the pirated Chinese rumor story by writing that the world’s high commodity prices are a result of an “alleged” weather surplus.

James Ames James posted the following comment on the “Writers Without Work” website:

“This past week saw large shipments of weather across the entire upper atmosphere. “

Hollywood commentator Pave Vivid added:

“The upper atmosphere does not have the space to store this year’s massive overproduction of weather. Last night, a lump of surplus weather fell out of the sky and landed on Iowa’s top corn field.  And an hour ago, a barely-beer factory in Wisconsin got hit by a huge block of falling weather.”

James Ames James:

“Everywhere we see: tornadoes, floods, all sorts of temperature, and giant chunks of sunshine. And now, an anonymous source, in red galoshes, has reported:  an excessive amount of drizzle” in his home town.

Pave Vivid:

“It has been drizzling aggressively; even in California.”

James Ames James: “Grain crops were not designed to handle this much weather. Wheat and corn futures are trading at into the stratosphere. Come to think of it, the stratospheric commodity prices—could be seeding the clouds and creating even more weather.”

“Progressive“ columnists blame this year’s over-supply of weather on Bush era tax cuts.

Pave Vivid:The Bush-Cheney Tax cuts gave oil companies the money they needed to block global warming studies and sabotage development of alternative energies.

In contrast, “conservative” columnists blame high commodity prices, on liberals, taxes, and the theory of evolution.

Meanwhile, the rest of world continues respond to market incentives:

—Wall Street traded away six billion dollars  in weather derivatives.

–The American Congress blamed President Obama for not blaming China for the high commodity prices.

–President Obama blamed China for not blaming China for the high commodity prices.

–China has tripled its output of thermometers and weather vanes.

And Americans shoppers have seized the opportunity to add value to the Chinese-pirated weather rumors.

Explained one wall mart shopper:

“Why are Commodity prices so high?

Because the talk-too-much American Congress and the shout-too-much media has produced so much hot air, that it heated up the atmosphere, and generated a giant gob of surplus weather.

Which, in turn, destroyed our crops and oil platforms and sent prices skyrocketing.

In fact, a loose piece of weather fell out of the sky this morning and wiped out my favorite barely beer factory”.

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