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Angry Congressional Committee Demands CIA Reveal The Location of South Waziristan

By admin

August 22, 2009

Congress Interrogates a CIA Drone

As news of CIA drone attacks, Taliban deaths, and military conflict in South Waziristan has escalated over the past several months, members of Congress have repeatedly demanded that the CIA reveal where South Waziristan is located; only to be rebuffed by a recalcitrant intelligence bureaucracy. Last night an increasingly angry Congressional Committee on Security and Intelligence affairs created an uproar by officially accusing the CIA, and other U.S. intelligence agencies, of refusing a Constitutional request to disclose the location, size, and shape of South Waziristan and for not providing a rationale for South Waziristan’s location outside the boundaries of a Disney movie or American amusement, theme, or water park.

Printed Excerpts of last nights’ Intelligence Committee hearing reveal that Congressman Thaddeius Branden Maxigrandon the third, of the State of Mississippi, the ranking Republican on the intelligence committee, issued a formal threat to filibuster the entire CIA funding process by the reading names, construction dates, and locations of U.S Civil War monuments until the CIA provide to select members of Congress the:

 “country and continent where the reputed Southern Wary-z-stain, the reputed secreted abode of the Ji-head Talliban-bombers’, is located, reputed to be located, and reputed to be reputed.”

Congressional frustration with the intelligence community mounted as the appointed CIA spokes-person, spokes-spook 07-DC-07, answered Rep. Thaddeius Branden Maxigrandon the third, by aggressively droning on, in an assertive monotone reading voice, before each member of the Congressional Intelligence committee and before EX-regional CIA director and Middle East consultant, Howard Sweep.

The printed excerpts from the hearing reveal the CIA spoke-spook to have droned the following statement into the committee’s ranks:

“Once Congress locates South Waziristan, or SW Z-Stan, the critical element of surprise becomes lost.  Important drone aircraft operations will be compromised if members of Congress are able to find SW Z-Stan on a map, discuss the location with their Government travel and junket agent, and google-earth search their noses into the middle of somebody’s somewhere, sensitive, secret, cold blooded, operation .“

 

Acting as if insulted, Democratic Committee Chairman Vincy La-Fazio, ( little-grande Boss Fatito) of New Jersey, hit back at the gesture-free CIA testimony, by providing 45 minutes to representative Thaddeius Maxigradon to lead an interrogation of the CIA spokes-spook.

Consultant Howard Sweep, handed out his own excerpts of the committee’s interrogation to newspaper reporters and water park tourists,— which newspapers printed in unedited real time scribble form —–, for readers across the country:

Hearing 07 Notes:  H Sweep, (that’s me Howard):

Representative Maxigrandon, the third, opened up the questioning by asking CIA Spokes spook 07-DC-07 if he, himself, knew where “the disputed SW-Z-Stan,” was located. The CIA Spokes-spook said he once believed he might have known its location, but failed to follow up and confirm his belief, for fear of compromising the security of drone attack operations. The Congressman then asked the Spokes-spook if he knew anyone who knew the location of SW-Z-Stan. The CIA spokes-spook answered that, indeed, he might know someone who knew Z-Stan`s location, but he did not know, for sure, if he knew the person who could locate SW-Z-Stan. And Spokes-spook 07-DC-07 said that if he knew someone who knew, he would not know who that someone really was, and/or if that someone himself would know, for sure, if he knew, that he knew the location of SW-Z-Stan, or, any other lettered Stan.

Consultant Howard Sweep (me), interjected, pointing out that the Spokes-spooks claim, is consistent with the CIA’s standard mode of operation. And he pointed out that CIA rules insure that if any CIA employee is found knowing what’s he or she is doing at work, that employee must be fired for  threatening national security by demonstrating competence on the job.

Representative Thaddeius Branden Maxigrandon the third, of the State of Mississippi, the ranking Republican, on the intelligence committee, then asked Spokes-spook 07-DC-07 if the drone aircraft knew the location of SW-Z-Stan.

Spokes-Spook (07-DC-07): “I do not know what a drone aircraft has on its mind when it locates a target in SW Z-Stan.”

Thaddeius the third :”It found its targets, then.”

Spokes-Spook (07-DC-07): “But we do not know that the drone has a conscious awareness the concept of South Waziristan.”

Thaddeius the third: “Do drones have conscious awareness of the State of California where they are manufactured?”

Spokes-Spook (ugh, DC-07): ”I don’t know any American who has conscious awareness of the State of California. Nor have I met any American, in the past fourteen years, that has a conscious awareness of the art and science of manufacturing.”

Howard (me) Sweep: “That final statement is consistent with the standard level of alertness of Americans under the age of forty.  And California State officials and politicians of all ages.”

Thad the 3rd: “Ok, lets change our route. Is SW-Z-Stan in Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, Kashmir, or China?”

Spook (DC-07): “I can’t say.”

Thad three: “You can’t say because you don’t know yourself or because the CIA does not want the American people and their Representatives to know?”

Spook (07): “I can’t say.”

Thad 3: “You can’t say because you don’t know yourself why you answered:

‘I can’t say’

to the first question or because the CIA does not want the American people and their Representatives to know why you answered:

 ‘I can’t say’ 

 to the first question?”

Spook: “I can’t say.”

TH-3: ” Can you say if SW-Z-Stan is in Asia or the Mideast?

Sp-k: “No I can’t.”

T-3: “Is SW-Z-Stan in my District? Are drones going to one day, hit, my chief fundraiser’s home and abode? Or commode?”

Sp-k: ‘Yes but those would be media drones not flying CIA drones.”

T-3  (!):  “Would such media drones be consciously aware of the concept: the State of Mississippi?  And other concepts like “house” “friend” and “money?”

Sp-k: “Maybe money.”

T-3 the Congressman: “What is the currency of SW-Z- Stan?”

Spook the CIA-man: “Blood, war, and death threats.”

Howard Sweep: “And Hash.     Hashish.     H-A-S-H.”

T-3 the Congress Man: “So you admit you know where SW-Z-Stan is.”

Spokes-Spook, the CIA man: “We can’t say.”

Thad the third,, the skinny silver haired Congressman: “Who is this WE?”

Spokes-Spook, the weird CIA 07 man: “We don’t know.”

Thad the third of Mississippi the (200$ Silver hair cut) man: “WE don’t know?    Why do such a WE not know?”

Spokes-Spook the 07-DC-CIA 07-man: “Know what?”

Thadeius the third of Mississippi: “Which, if any, Stan is SW-Z-Stan itself located in?  That is, are we talking about a sub Stan? Is SW-Z-Stan located inside the boundaries of another Stan?”

Spokes-Spook (07-DC-07): “You mean are we talking about an Under-Stan?”

Representative Thadeius the third (3 generations of Thads?):

“You understand my question?”

Spokes-Spook ( 07-DC- 07): “I think I understand your question about SW-Z-Stan being a possible Under-Stan”

Representative Thadeius Maxigrandon the third (buy bread for tomorrow) of Mississippi: “You are consciously aware of it?”

Spokes-Spook ( 07-DC- 07): “Yes, I am not a drone.”

Representative Thadeius Branden Maxigrandon the third of Mississippi:

 “You are sure of that?”

The really really weird Spokes-Spook ( 07-DC- 07) again:

“I can’t say”

Chairman Fatito (oh no): “I think the CIA sent us a slow- in- the motion killer drone. I submit to my committee that SW-Z-Stan, or whatever Z-Stan, Y- Ran or X-Bran the place is, is not an Under-Stan but, instead, is an Over-Stan—that arches over entire countries of the world, including, possibly, this Congressional committee room and it’s outer echo chambers.”

Spokes person, Spokes-Spook (07-DC-07): “Sir, Mr. Chairman I understand your concern.”

Fatito: “No you don’t. Your overstand my concern. If you understood it, you would not have answered so quick.”

Howard (that’s me) Sweeping it up: ” I think the CIA drone is an intelligence divert-a-e–i-o-u Stan.”

Fatito the wise: “And sometimes y. Consultant Sweep is right. This—drop-drone–agent—has been sent to us by the CIA to dribble out non-answers to every serious question about What’s-it-Stan until we, and the American public, wind up suffocated to death by a slow, unsteady, dribble-drip drop of no-drone information.”

Howard (Surf) Sweeper: “For the record I want to consult that the Congressional committee move to category “wet” for future CIA interrogations. I can get this committee access to boards, H-2-0, and a curl-crushing accelerating force which can pry open any drone argument. 

Fatito: “Ok Drone head. My Republican friend 3-Mississippi Thad and I will find, pinpoint, locate, and expose South Waziristan’s place on this earth before you can count the State of Mississippi three times over. Ain’t that Right, Reppy, Max?.

And then we will have a consciousness awareness raising session on what Waziristan, California, and manufacturing noise means for the American people. Right Howard? 

Somebody call the next witness:

A, James, uh,  – Wu-Zanghou, Division and Stan Chief of,  Google Earth.” 

 

 

 

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