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Iran Caught Hiding A Duplicate Secret Iran

By admin

Oct, 2 2009

Russia Claims to be More Shocked Than “Burton School” America

Yesterday at 1:30 PM an eighth grade student from Burton, Michigan shocked the world and his school teacher by announcing that he had discovered a second “duplicate” Iran hidden among the former states of the Soviet Union. Dubbed Iran-i-stan by the Burton city and World press the duplicate Farsi speaking, Shiite Muslim country of seventy two million people was found discretely tucked away, hiding, among the former Soviet countries of Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, and veiled in a cloak of deception, world geographic ignorance, and Stan fatigue.

According to unnamed school janitor sources, the Burton Michigan eighth grade teacher, Miss Baker White, had encouraged students to use the Google maps program, in their assignment to locate France and use the principals of geometry to prove that any two parallel lines running through Paris and Washington D.C. would not intersect on a flat surface map or at a G-20 conference. The student, Ira Stanley Jones, was typing his name into the Google map website when Iran’s secret twin nation popped up on the computer screen and, within two deep breathes of time, called Miss White’s eighth grade classroom to prayer.

Miss White, at first, thought Ira had located a Moroccan immigrant neighborhood in Paris and congratulated Ira for finding France and out-performing ninety percent of American students. However as Miss White slowly zoomed the computer screen outward, to her amazement, rather than viewing such as familiar city names as Lyons, Paris, and Marseilles; cities with names such as “New Tehran”, “Isfahan II”, and “Noveau Shiraz”, popped up onto the computer screen.

Homeland Security consultant Howard Sweep expressed his amazement of the discovery to the Washington Times newspaper comment page:

 “Those crafty, wily, slippery, buttery uppery, devious Iranians have done it again.  They created a secret country, Stanned it, and filled it with over seventy million Farsi and Azeri speaking Shiites; all while diverting our attention with electoral fraud in the cover-country, demon America demonstrations, and punch-in-the face nuclear bravido. I would not be surprised if Iran-i-stan makes counterfeit oil and Mafia-Mullah deals with Russia.”

The Russian Minister of “abroad Stan affairs”, Yaroslav Dimtri Vladiput Gaporchevnick, denied involvement in the creation of Iranistan.  He also claimed that Vladimir Putin was “shocked” by the discovery of a “second” Iran located within “the agreed” Russian sphere of influence, scheming, and intimidation.

American State Department officials corroborated the Russian claim by reporting that former President Bush had failed to detect evidence of Iran-i-stan’s existence, or influence, in Vladimir Putin’s inner soul.

A defiant Iran denied that it had created a concealed duplicate nation. The supreme, Ayatullah Weartobigi Pajameni of Isfahan, then pointedly accused the West of creating “France” to divert America’s school children from learning about and appreciating “even the first Iran”. And he accused Disney’s Epcot Center of  promoting only “Mickey” nations that love Jerry Lewis movies.

In response to the Iran-i-stan news, the assistant chief of the CIA’s Wind, Rain, and Fog Division, Ralph Lieterf, asked the Burton Michigan Mayor, Charles Smiley for help in locating the Google maps website. He also asked the Mayor’s office to assist a team of CIA specialists in formulating the exact spelling of one: “Ira Stanely Jones”.

The head of the Michigan Republican Party, Ronald Weiser, called Miss Baker White’s eighth grade class to offer congratulations for sacrificing French geography hour, and croissants, to save America from weapons of missing destruction. He then called the entire eighth grade class to eleven minutes of Christian prayer.

The Burton City Newspaper reported that the CIA’s Ralph Lieterf said that the CIA had “discovered” Iran-i-stan, fourteen years earlier, but had assumed the Iran duplicate was the reputed Russian amusement park, and sanatorium, Sovi-disneski Epcotiski-Stan.

One Shahina Hana Dembelie, called Miss Bakers Whites class from Noveau Shiraz, Iran-i-stan to thank them for providing American “attention ship” to her country. She then asked Miss White’s class, over a speaker phone, if North Dakota really contained a duplicate Mount Rushmore with a Dick Cheney head that had been secretly chiseled into the rock ego of America’s geology.

The Russian Minister of “extra Stan affairs”, Yaroslav Dimtri Vladiput Gaporchevnick, e-mailed the Burton City Newspaper and denied any involvement in the creation and concealment of an alleged Epcotiski-Stan .

One Alawar Shapini Howauri e-mailed the Burton Michigan Mayors office and complained that air fares from Tehran to New Tehran had “missile-rocketed” since the start of the Western hysteria over of his two home countries. He concluded his e-mail saying that “every twice a day”, he prayed for Miss Whites class to pray for Iran-i-stan to disappear from their computer screens so they could have France back and enjoy their  croissants.

Miss Baker’s Whites class wrote letters to Burton City Mayor Charles Smiley, Ralf Lieterf of the CIA, and President Obama asking for permission to adopt Shahina Hana Dembelie’s girls school in Noveau Shiraz, Iran-i-stan, as a sister school to the Burton Middle school.

The eighth grade students also asked the CIA to install a Christian-Islam prayer converter onto Miss Baker White’s class computer.

Yaroslav Dimtri Vladiput Gaporchevnick, wrote to the Washington Times newspaper’s comment page and complained about the coarseness of security consultant’s Howard Sweep’s language in public print:

“If it was still time of cold war then we know that:

 –crafty Iranian still means: crafty Russian,

–wily Iranian still means: wily Russian

 –slippery Iranian still means: back slide Russian

 Buttery, uppery Iranian still means: stinking yogurt Russian

 and:

–devious Iranian still means: when they hide in Siberia you and Napolean can’t find them Russians.

American and Russian diplomats were seen, by their security guards, scurrying back forth in Washington and Moscow trying to work out a deal for bringing Iran-i-stan into the world community of fought over and pampered nations. State Department officials in Washington were said to be discussing ways to engage the newly discovered nation and pull it away from the parent nation of Iran without stretching America’s table tennis resources to its diplomatic and backspin limit.

The United States agreed to send four hundred Peace Corps volunteers to Iran-i-stan to teach agricultural pistachio marketing to farmers, English to English teachers, and skateboarding to the public at large.  Russia agree to send four hundred military conscripts to Iran-i-stan to teach agriculture pistachio marketing to farmers, Russian to English teachers, and cynicism to skateboarders who travel on dirt roads.  Great Britain agree to send a million pounds of counterfeit sterling in exchange for millions gallons of counterfeit oil which the British Government planned to use to meet international carbon emission requirements.

France agreed to ship Iran-i-stan eight thousand tons of surplus American cheese.

Meanwhile the city of Burton agreed to send an unnamed school janitor to teach Iran-i-stanians how to locate Burton Michigan using Google maps.

While diplomats from around the world attended to their important “scurry about” routines, Miss Baker White’s class slowly settled back to a routine of lecturing, learning, prayer avoidance, and homework. Ira Stanley Jones presented an oral report on the curved geometric world of the French Mathematician Henry Poincare while Mayor Charles Smiley, shared croissants, smiles, and parallel lines of nonintersecting thoughts with Miss Baker White class.

And, according to the Washington Times letter page, Homeland Security consultant Howard Sweep had buttered up enough State Department Officials to land a job teaching Peace Corps volunteers, from the skateboard program, the slippery craft of riding a deviating surfboard down a river swollen with rushing waters from a melted Hindu Kush snowpack.  He was said to deny that had ever heard of, much less used, the phrase ”wily Iranian” and blamed back sliding Russian Soviets “hiding in the Siberian forest” for faxing a stinking yogurt counterfeit Howard Sweep letter to the Washington Times newspaper.

 Banana News (www.bananaws.com)

 

 

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One Response to “Iran Caught Hiding A Duplicate Secret Iran”

  1. Where are you from? Is it a secret? :)

    #758

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